It been a while...

I know it's been a while since my last post. I've taken a break from Jenny for the holidays and I've managed to keep my 30 pound loss. I'll be getting back on track in the new year to start losing again.

A lot has happened since my last post. I bought a new car, that I pick up next week. It's a 2008 black Corolla Sport. I bought a new laptop, which I am on right now and I love it. I got my hair cut, it's short but not to short. Overall I'm just looking forward to New Years Eve and the new year in general.

In Memory of Josie Ferlito 1981-2007

Josie was a person that I had met in my previous department. She was a beautiful person and so full of life. Yesterday, Tues, Dec 4, 2007 she was involved in a tragic car accident were she succumbed to her injuries. She was 26 years old. She was always laughing and smiling and was the life of the party. Everyone who had the pleasure of meeting her loved here.

I'm stuggling to understand why...why she was the one who had to be taken from us at such a young age. I understand that people die and that it's the way of life, but I can't understand why her and why in the way she did? I can't stop thinking about her family, close friends and boyfriend. I'm mad that we kept push off getting together thinking we had all the time in the world. What I wouldn't do to see her and say goodbye.

21st weigh in

Well I neither gained nor lost weight this week. I've been really bad and I haven't really been following the plan. I think I'm bored with the food and I just don't have the drive and motivation right now. I've told myself that as of today I'm sticking to the plan and I'm not going to cheat. I hope I can do it, because I really want to lose next week.

20th weigh in

Boo...I gained a pound this week. It was totally my fault, I didn't eat properly at all. I'm okay with it though and I'm feeling great. I've been dating and just feeling really happy and pleased with myself. I'm really starting to notice the weight lose and feel it. I have a lot of energy and I'm not feeling tired at all. It's great :)

My life in the past 5 years.

So I was thinking to myself, “When did I become so serious?” I used to be carefree and a lot more go with the flow and I didn’t used to worry so much about my future. Now I have a career, I’m thinking about buying a place, marriage, and children and over all just settling down. So I said to myself, what’s happened, what’s changed in my life over the past 5 years and when I really started thinking about it, it started making a whole lot of sense. I guess it all started when I turned 21, my mother’s best friend, who is like a second mother to me was diagnosed with breast cancer, shortly after that I experienced my first close family deaths, I lost two of my grandmothers in the same week, followed by my mom going into acute kidney failure (for the second time), my uncle (my mom’s younger brother) who was 49 at the time, died from lung cancer, my mother went on dialysis and then just a little under a year later, had her second kidney transplant (which had not gone smoothly), I lost my job and suffered from some pretty major depression, my 20 year old cat had to be put down, I lost a grandfather and then another one a few months later. I got my heart broken; my brother’s father-in-law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died a year later, followed closely by my mom being diagnosed with skin cancer that had spread to her lymph nods. That brings us to present day where my last grandfather died a few weeks ago and my mom had major surgery a few days after that, which will be followed by radiation, which is still to come. In our family we are the type of people to not complain, take things as they come, deal with it and move on. But I guess it does take its toll and alters who you are. Looking at it all being written down it seems like a lot and may even seem over whelming for some and that is probably why I have become as serious as I’ve gotten older, but I know that it is just life and I have to deal with it or it will control me.

19th weigh in

I lost 4 and 1/2 pounds this week. I'm so happy. I'm almost at 35 pound lost, it's awesome. I'm feeling great and I loving it. I'm right now watching SuperSize Me on TV and I can even imagine eating like that. I love being a vegetarian and I'm loving Jenny. Thing are good.

I went on a blind date this weekend, it didn't go well. I'm proud of myself for going for it though and taking the risk. I liked him, but I was not myself and we really are in separate stages in our lives. He made it easy though and I probably won't be so scared in the future. I definitely feel that losing weight is boosting my confidence.

17th and 18th weight in

I missed my 17th way in. My grandfather from Montreal who was to turn 90 in December passed away on Wed, Oct 31. Myself, my dad and brother headed to Montreal for the funeral and rushed back on the Sunday for my mom's surgery on Monday, Nov 5. My mom's surgery went well, it was supposed to be no more than 4 hours, but turned into 7 1/2. it was a really stressful day, but all turned out well.

I did go to my 18th weight in yesterday and I lost 2 pounds. It could have been better since that was for 2 weeks, but with the stress I went through between my grandfathers passing and my mom's surgery I would say I'm happy I didn't gain, because I was sure I had. I'm now back on track and trying to get back into my routine.

16th weigh in

I lost 4 pounds yesterday and I'm now at a total weight loss of 30 pounds. I'm so happy and motivated to keep on going. It's been a struggle, but I'm so glad I have gotten this far. It feels great to feel like I've accomplished something. I've also stopped biting my nails and over all it has turned my life around. I'm looking forward to the next 30 and 30 after that.

15th weigh in

I know I'm a little late on this one, but there isn't much to report. I didn't gain nor lose this week and as long as I'm not gaining I'm a happy camper :)

14th weigh in and update regarding my mom

Okay well I've changed my weigh day to Monday nights instead of Sunday mornings. I went last night and I lost a pound. Because I'm now weighing at night my weight will now be off by a few pounds. My Jenny consultant says that we gain anywhere from 2 to 3 pounds from morning to night. I'm happy with the 1 pound though, because last week I lost 6 and I was afraid I might gain some of it back.

In a update regarding my mom, the cancer has not spread. We were so happy to find that out because now her prognoses is really good. She's scheduled for surgery on Nov 5 to have the lump removed and then she will have radiation 6 to 8 weeks after her surgery. I'm so happy right now and I'm keep my fingers crossed that everything turns out alright.

13th weigh in

Wow....I lost 6 pounds this week. I was really taken aback. I know that most of it has to do with me being sick and stressed and therefore not eating properly, but still 6 pounds. That's awesome. I'm so happy, because after the last few weeks I thought I was giving up. Now I'm more determined then ever.

Things suck right now

I'm sad today, thinking about what could be. We met with the oncologist for the first time yesterday and it finally hit me, my mom has cancer. It's funny though because at the same time I was thinking that my mom turned to me and said, “this is it I've been assimilated into cancer world". I want so much to believe that everything will work out and I'll be able to have my mom in my life for years to come. I want her so much to be there when I get married and have children, but my mind keeps bringing me back to the worst case scenario. I hate that my mind can't keep positive. I'm usually such an optimistic person, but right now I just can't seem to stay in that head space.

On top of everything I have to worry about my weight. Between Thanksgiving, being stressed and sick now for the past 2 weeks on top of not eating right and working out, I know I'm going have gained when I weight in on Sunday. Everything is working against me right now and that really sucks.

12th weigh in and my first big set back

I gained 3.5 pounds this week. Granted I was sick and couldn't work out and when I did start feeling better I went drinking, but still I gained 3.5 pounds. It sucks and I'm not happy, but this is for the rest of my life so 3.5 pounds isn't a lot. I know what I have to do.

11th weigh in

Okay so I lost a pound. I know I'm capable of losing so much more so I'm a little disappointed with myself. A pound is still better then staying the same or gaining, so I am happy about that.

On an update regarding my mom, she has an appointment with a surgon on Sept 28 and with an oncologist on Oct 3. I'm going to try and go with her to her oncologist appointment. My sister-in-law who resently lost her father to cancer, recommend that we all go for support. I'll probabaly give an update after the 3rd.

Bad news.

As I have mentioned in past blogs, things have been going really well for me. However this week my family and I have found out some bad news. I was going to start a new blog, but I figure this news may affect my losing weight efforts so I figured I would just added on to this one. First I’ll give a little back ground, my mother has had 2 kidney transplants in the last 15 years and because of this she has been on a cocktail of drugs. A side effect for someone on immunosuppressant drugs is a high risk of skin cancer and it is something she has been dealing with for quite sometime now. Up until this point, it hasn’t been anything major and something that she has been able to keep under control. However, in the past few months she has been dealing with a lesion on her shoulder/neck/back area. In June of this year she had it removed, but 2 months later it had come back with a vengeance. Then in the end of Aug she had it removed for the 2nd time, this time however they also noticed a lump near the affected area. Last week she had the lump biopsied and she received the test results yesterday. The news was not good. The cancer has spread in to her lymph nods and now we are waiting for the surgery date, which may be as soon as next week. Today I spent the day finding out everything I could and what I found wasn’t all positive and in actual fact this is way more serious then I thought. At this point I’m really scared and worried. I don’t know what to do? I know I’m not going to share my finding or feeling to anyone I know, including my family. I don’t want to cause any unnecessary dread, but I have a feeling my mom knows the seriousness of it and that she just didn’t want to scare me. I will give updates as I get them. Of course I’m hoping for the best. My mom and I are really close and I don't even wanted to consider what it would be like not to have her here.

10th weigh in

Wow...I lost 4.2 pounds this week. I went out every night this week and I still managed to lose weight. I can't believe it. I was in so much disbelielf when I steped on that scale. Anyway, I'm really happy and so proud of myself. I think the reason I was able to do it, was I walked every chance I got. Fingers crossed I can lose just as much next week :)

9th weigh in

Well I had a bad week and I gained a pound. Boo :( I've been going out so much these last few weeks, that it finally caught up to me. This week is my birthday and I'm going out every single night. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to gain next week too. Anyway, I'm going to try and exercise as much as possible to balance it all out. We'll see what happens. My fingers are crossed that I can make the right choices.

8th weigh in (2 months)

Okay so here I thought I had another bad week, but in actual fact I lost 2 pounds. That means in total I've lost 20 pounds. I can't believe it. I'm so happy and proud of myself.

7th weigh in

I had a bad week this week :( Because I'm a vegetarian I don't have a lot of choice's in the Jenny plan, so I usually end up having the same thing all the time. This week I ended up going out for dinner 4 times and although I didn't choose things that were horrible, my portions were to big. That being said I didn't gain any weight this week, but I only lost a half pound. It is better then I thought, but I'm still not happy about it or proud of myself.

6th weigh in

I can’t believe it; I’ve lost another 5 pounds. As of now I’m down 17.5 pounds and I feel great. I’ve really embraced exercising; I’m even trying to get into running. That’s right, me running. It’s hard because of my size, but hey why not. I’m feeling so good right now and motivated. I can’t wait to see myself in another 2 months.

I'm over it...

Well that whole complicated friendship is soooo over. We had a few more correspondence back and forth after he asked me if I was over it and those didn't go very well. It sucks, I was sad, but fuck it. I deserve better people in my life and people who would fight to keep my friendship.

Through all that though I was able to keep myself on track Jenny wise and although I did gain a pound at my last weigh in I would say that's good. I'm hoping to be a big loser on Sunday for my next weigh in. I've really increased my activity level and I'm still sticking with the food plan. I'm loving losing weight and being active. I feel so much better about myself now that I'm actually doing something about my weight instead of just talking about it.

In disbelief...

I'm so mad right now. In my very first post I talked about how I had a complicated friendship that came to an end. Everything has been going well, considering. But a few days ago I was online and my friend, who I haven't spoke to for a few month since I told him I couldn't do our friendship anymore, messaged me and asked me, "If I was over it yet and that I should be". The arrogance, I couldn't believe it. The whole reason why we aren't friends is because of him and his behavior. I was so mad and angry. I know he has issues, but I expected more from him. If he had said, "We need to talk I don’t want this to be it". I would have considered it, but "Are you over it". Are you kidding me? Who says shit like that? I guess he does and that why I had to take him out of my life.

4th weigh in

Well I got back from camping a few days ago and I think it went well. I could have done better and made better choices, but all in all I'm proud of myself. I went for my 4th weigh in and I lost 2.5 pounds, bringing my total in a month to 13 pounds. I'm struggling a little bit. I've been really wanting to eat everything in site, but I'm really trying not too. My period is coming, so I think that is part of it. I'm still motivated to continue and see this through.

3rd weigh in

I went to my 3rd weigh in today and I'm down another 3 pounds so, that is 10 and a half pounds in 3 weeks. I haven't really noticed it yet in my appearance or in my clothes, but other people have been making comments that they can see a difference. I'm still enjoying it and losing weight is a really good motivator.

I'm going camping tomorrow and I am soooo looking forward to that. I think I'm going to do okay. I might drink or eat something I shouldn't, but I'm going to try and fight it. If I do cheat however, I'm learning that it's not the end of the world, but that it will just take that much long to lose the weight I want to lose.

Camping and Jenny

It's the middle of the week and I'm getting really excited about going camping next week. I wasn't sure how I was going to plan my week because I won’t have access to a microwave for my Jenny food, but the Jenny reps told me not to worry and to just plan my meal and try as much as possible to stick to the plan. I think I'm going to be okay. I've already started planning and I think I'm going to be okay.

I'm really enjoying being on Jenny. I don't really have to worry about food and I'm learning so much about portion control. I really think that this is going to work for me for the long term. I know this is my first real attempt at losing a significant amount of weight and that most people will gain it back, but I went into this already a vegetarian and knowing so much about nutrition already. I was already eating health; I just needed to learn to eat consistently and to learn portion control.

2nd weigh in

This week was harder then last, but only because their was a death in the family. I did however lose 5 more pounds, bringing my total to 8 pounds in 2 weeks. I'm very proud of myself that I have been able to stick to it for 2 weeks. I'm still feeling strong, that I will see this through to the end.

Feeling good...

It's been just under two weeks so far and I feel like I've lost weight. I don't allow myself to weigh myself during the week. Instead I wait for the weekly weigh in's at Jenny. I'm excited to see how much I've lost. I'm really struggling to eat all the food they need me to eat, their just isn't enough hours in the day. I know that sounds bizarre, because most people say it's not enough food. This was my problem before I joined Jenny, I was down to 2 meals a day and sometimes I would snack. The key to weight lose as I'm finding out is to eat consistently throughout the day and small portions. It sounds simple, but it's a lot of work; you are forced to think about food all the time. It does suck for me though because I'm a vegetarian. I don't have as many choices for the food and I'm already starting to get bored. Because I'm a vegetarian I mostly have to choose there pasta and I wasn't a big pasta fan to begin with. I much prefer fresh low carb foods. I'm looking forward to getting off the Jenny food and cooking for myself, but I know I have to stick with it for now to train my body on what's an appropriate amount of food to eat in a day.

First Jenny weigh in

Well today was my first weigh in at Jenny. I find it unbelievable, but I’ve lost 2.8 pounds in 5 days. Words can’t even describe how that made me feel. I really didn’t think it was possible, because I felt like I was just eating way too much to ever lose weight. I’m really happy right now and motivated to keep going.

I’m also heading up to the cottage for the weekend, so that might also be contributing to my good mood, that and the weather is gorgeous today.

I started...

Soooo…I started Jenny on Monday, June 11. Today is the end of my second day. I’ve been enjoying it and I have a lot of support from my friends and family. It’s really weird though, I can’t figure out how I’m supposed to lose weight when you are constantly eating. I’m a little skeptical to tell you the truth, but I’ve seen it work on other people. I guess time will tell. I’m feeling really good right now, other than money I have everything in place and I’m happy.

Decision time

Okay, so right now there are 3 close people in my life that have joined Jenny Craig. I have a consultation on Sunday, to see if it's something that I would be interested in or can afford. I think I'm actually affraid of losing a significant amount of weight. It's almost like my security blanket. I mean I've been over weight since I can remember. It's who I am, it's how I became me. Now if I join and do this and lose a lot of weight, I'm scared of how it will change me or how insecure I will feel. I know that sounds weird, but i'm secure with who I am now. It took a lot of time, but I did it. I know that when I meet someone new, that they like me for me and if I were to lose a lot of weight and become someone completly different to look at then things will be different. I don't know I'm just fretting. Maybe I'm using it as an excuse that to not go through with this. Well I guess well see.

A little about me and moving on...

Things are looking up and seem to be going my way. I love my job and I'm starting to finally get my finances in order. I'm hoping to buy my first place in the next year and I have great friends. I guess the only place I'm lacking is my love life or should I say lack there of. I just ended a 5 year friendship with someone I fell in love with the moment I met him. The problem was that he came out of the closet about 9 months after I met him, that and he has some mental issue. Mental illness runs in his family and I always thought that he would change or that I could change him (like most women). I couldn't, of course I couldn't. I still love him and I still want him in my life, but its just to hard for me. He's what people would call toxic. He's toxic for himself and everyone around him. Also when I told him I just could do this friendship anymore, he said that was okay and he's never contacted me since. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering he lives in his own world and the only thing he cares about is himself. But I think that is what that hurt the most, the fact that he didn't care enough to fight, to hold on, to want to keep me in his life. I've finally come to the realization that the friendship was only held together by me and my love for him. The only problem is, is that I wasted 5 years from 21 to 26 loving him and being with him. I know that wasn't his fault and that it was my choice, but it still makes my a little angry. I'm slowly getting over the whole thing and like I said things are looking up and I'm moving on.